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It is a typical morning in your busy home. Breakfast is getting ready. You need to get ready for work while your children are running around without getting ready for school. However, you feel tension and a constant urge to yell at your kids for being irresponsible all the time. Feeling triggered like this is due to your past conditioning to your childhood experiences. You need to make peace with your past for a peaceful parenting journey.
Why should you make peace with your past?
Make peace with your past, not only for yourself but also as a gift to your kids. By choosing this path, you gain the opportunity to explore yourself as a person and a parent with these eight admirable qualities: integrity, having boundaries, attunement, discernment, unfreezing the wound, authenticity, and resilience. You’ll learn as a mother that these advantages are practical tools that enable you to parent differently, to nurture with love, and to raise emotionally healthy children. You’ll not only heal yourself on this journey, but you’ll also leave a lasting legacy of emotional health that goes well beyond your own generation.
The 8 admirable traits to become a better parent:
I. Authenticity: Being Your True Self
Authenticity in patenting is like a light in a world that is often clouded by societal pressures and expectations. It’s about accepting your true self—the pure essence you were before the challenges of life threw their shadows on you. Your most significant connections with people, especially those with your children, come from being true to who you are. Your authenticity is the source of your stability and clarity.
Emotional wounds that have not been healed serve as constraining chains that prevent you from becoming who you truly are. Insecurities, self-doubt, and a persistent sense of not being “good enough” are common manifestations of these scars, which have been etched into your brain by life’s ups and downs. As you strive to live up to others’ expectations as well as your own self-criticism, they cover your true nature with a façade of pretence.
You must begin the process of inner child healing if you want to become a more authentic parent. To reveal your true self, this process entails removing the layers of conditioning, self-doubt, and past hurts. It involves getting in touch with the child within you who knew no limits, believed in their own deservingness, and enjoyed the simple act of being.
Practise self-compassion, embrace vulnerability, and seek therapy or counselling when necessary as ways to foster authenticity in parenting. Keep in mind that being honest isn’t about being perfect, but about accepting your flaws and being yourself when you’re with your kids. You open the door for true connections and trust in your relationships when you do this.
II. Resilience: Bouncing Back Stronger
For parents, resilience—the capacity to adapt to, navigate, and recover from life’s challenges—is a priceless quality. It’s the firm base on which your path to emotional healing can really take off. Although being authentic makes life easier, it does not ensure a life free from difficulties. During difficult times, resilience acts as your partner, enabling you to weather the storm and come out stronger.
When you make peace with your past and reconnect with your authentic self, you will have a strong inner core to rely on when times are tough . You take strength from your healed self rather than letting old emotional scars hold you back, which further reinforces your capacity to face challenges.
Self-care techniques like mindfulness, meditation, and regular exercise are useful methods for boosting resilience. You can maintain your mental strength and stability with these techniques. Additionally, getting help from a therapist or counsellor can give you the skills you need to control your stress, analyse your feelings, and cultivate a resilient mindset.
Related post: Ways to know your emotional triggers.
III. Attunement: Connecting with Your Child
Attunement is the ability to be responsive to others and their needs, and it also includes our own self-attunement—the alignment with our values and needs. Each person’s understanding of this idea is different and is influenced by their personality, resilience, and early experiences. For instance, public speaking may come easy to an extrovert but cause anxiety in an introvert, highlighting the difference in our values and attunement to them.
The ability of a parent to relate to their child can be hampered by unresolved emotional baggage. It is difficult to empathise with and effectively meet our children’s emotional needs when our self-attunement is clouded by misconceptions, unhealed wounds, or a lack of clarity. Emotional distance, misunderstandings, or even unintended neglect can all be symptoms of unresolved problems.
A route to bettering attunement with your child is provided by emotional healing. You can improve your sense of self-attunement by removing the layers of past wounds and rediscovering your true self. Your ability to be present, empathetic, and sensitive to your child’s needs has improved because of this clarity. Practise active listening, spend meaningful one-on-one time with your child, and seek treatment to address unresolved emotional baggage—all suggestions for improving attunement.
IV. Discernment: Making Better Parenting Choices
In the context of parenting, discernment refers to the vital skill of making thoughtful, well-informed choices that are in line with your values and your child’s best interests. We all naturally knew what we liked and didn’t like as kids, but as we grew, external influences, distractions, and unresolved emotional traumas clouded the picture. Due to this loss of insight, parenting decisions may become impulsive rather than intentional.
A way to rekindle this discernment is by healing yourself. You uncover your ability to tell what truly speaks to you and what doesn’t as you set out on the journey of healing your emotional wounds and reclaiming your authentic self. Your ability to make decisions about parenting that are not only proactive but also based on a greater understanding of your child’s needs and your own values is enhanced by this clarity of discernment.
For instance, a parent who has developed discernment through emotional healing could pause, reflect, and choose a response that is in line with their real self and their child’s well-being instead of reacting impulsively to a difficult situation. In the long term, this attentive parenting style promotes stronger parent-child relationships and more successful outcomes.
V. Unfreezing the Wound: Breaking the Cycle
In emotional healing, the concept of “unfreezing the wound” is a profound and transforming experience. Whether they were small or significant, our childhood wounds have a way of becoming frozen in time, holding the psychological distress and reactions we felt at the time. This frozen state frequently results in impulsive actions because, when aroused, we typically fall back on childlike behaviours.
Imagine yourself in a situation when you find yourself suddenly feeling attacked and wounded during an argument with your child. This is your inner child, who resurfaces in response to current triggers because of the moment when your own past wounds were locked in time.
The value of “unfreezing the wound” resides in its capacity to set you free from these ingrained, often counterproductive, reactions. It’s a process of defrosting those emotional freezes that enables you to reassert your inner child in a secure and therapeutic environment.
Healing their own inner child led to healthier, more compassionate, and less reactive parenting, according to the experiences of transformation shared by parents who have been successful in ending the cycle of generational wounds.
Consider going to therapy or counselling to examine and repair your old wounds as a starting point for this process. Self-reflection and journaling can both be effective methods for breaking through emotional barriers. In the end, unfreezing your wounds will be the most courageous first step towards becoming the parent you want to be, one who can respond to your child’s needs with empathy, wisdom, and love.
VI. Boundaries: Protecting Your Well-Being
Setting boundaries as a parent is just as important as showing your child love and attention. For going through the challenging ground of parent-child relationships, boundaries act as a compass. These boundaries, which come from our intrinsic likes and dislikes, are crucial for your emotional health.
Setting appropriate boundaries depends critically on emotional recovery. Setting and upholding clear boundaries becomes difficult when your judgement is clouded by unresolved emotional wounds. Your ability to say “no” when necessary is strengthened by emotional healing, which enables you to reclaim your true self.
Recognising your own needs and limits is the first step in properly setting and maintaining boundaries. Be clear and consistent in how you communicate your limits, and don’t be hesitant to put your own well-being first. Keep in mind that establishing boundaries involves more than just saying “no”; it also entails making a safe space for you and your children. You may safeguard your own mental wellbeing while maintaining a loving and respectful parent-child relationship when you set limits with love and empathy.
VII. Integration: Becoming Whole Again
This is the path towards becoming complete and unified. Building a solid foundation of self-support and self-encouragement is a necessary step in this process.
You can attain integrity when you make peace with your past. The inner child’s wounds must be healed for the peaceful reconciliation between present strength and past pain The key to transformation is accepting every aspect of oneself, including flaws and strengths, which leads to a sense of wholeness.
The secret to living a genuine and satisfying life is to cure your inner child. The first step in integrating your past and present identities is to acknowledge and understand your emotional reactivity. You’ll discover the outstanding beauty of regaining your wholeness on this journey.
VIII. Forgiveness: Healing the Heart
Making peace with the past requires forgiveness, especially for wounded parents and others who contributed to their sorrows. It involves offering the gift of emotional freedom while letting go of bitterness, hatred, and the urge for revenge.
The initial step is to forgive oneself. Parents who feel guilty or blamed for past mistakes must realise that the path to recovery is via self-compassion. Self-forgiveness can result from realising that they, too, have experienced pain in the past.
It’s also important to forgive others, especially those who might have contributed to their traumas. It does not excuse harmful behaviour but accepts that holding onto resentment merely serves to prolong the suffering. Parents are freed from the grip of resentment and given the opportunity to move on when they forgive.
Parents that are emotionally liberated can then show their kids greater affection, understanding, and tolerance. By exhibiting forgiveness, parents teach their kids important life lessons, promote healthier relationships, and stop a cycle of generational traumas. Wounded parents and those related to their wounds find a way to personal healing, transformed relationships, and more effective parenting when they embrace forgiveness.
Related posts: 5 steps to heal your childhood trauma
The Universality of Emotional Healing
Making peace with the past emotionally is a transformative journey that extends its profound benefits to anyone, regardless of their parental status. It’s a route towards healing and personal development that goes beyond the confines of parenthood and resonates with the common experience of all people.
Consider this: Whether one is a parent, children, partner, or friend, emotional healing can empower people in every aspect of life. People can release the weight of their past discomfort, overcome self-limiting beliefs, and develop more self-awareness and resilience by accepting this journey.
Emotional healing can lead to a more rewarding, authentic life for everyone. It can also promote professional fulfilment and relationships. It gives people the chance to find inner peace and wellbeing while enabling them to get out of the cycle of generational suffering.
So, regardless of your position in life, think about your own emotional healing journey. Examine how your past wounds can be affecting your present, and consider how to reconcile your past. The universality of emotional healing serves as a reminder that there is never too late to begin this transformative path towards greater authenticity, well-being, and self-awareness.
When you make peace with the past, you reap the following invaluable benefits: authenticity, resilience, attunement, discernment, unfreezing the wound, boundaries, integrity, and forgiveness. These benefits, when embraced, lead to more fulfilling, empathetic, and mindful parenting. They not only enhance parent-child relationships but also pave the way for emotionally intelligent children.
You can give your children and other loved ones your true self by working on your own emotional well-being. It’s a pledge to free yourself from the past, create healthier relationships, and become the parent you want to be. Take the first step towards recovery with faith and determination, believing that the transformation that lies ahead is worth all your efforts.
Related post: This is another inspiring post on making peace with your past.